PARENTING : A SCIENCE OR AN ARTAdmin
Parenting: A conscious decision deciding to become parents is a tremendous life-changing experience. Being parents is the greatest blessing bestowed by God Almighty.
Preparations of the same begin much before the birth of the child. As per doctors and our scriptures, it is well known that the food eaten by the mother makes the cells and the health of the child, and listening to good music, healthy thoughts, and positivity of the environment stimulates the brain development of the child. Good parenting is both a great responsibility and an obligation. A child born is a jewel dropped from Heaven with its most unique qualities and the purest form of spirit. A child born to parents makes them his biological parents but parenting is much more than the fulfillment of biological needs. It needs to be spiritually fulfilling.
Conscious parenting means measuring the words, behavior, and discipline of one’s self as the same percolates down to the child. The connection becomes spirit to spirit. By being biological parents one doesn’t get control over children.
In order to be a role model and an exceptional one, one needs to set the highest standards. Creating a free and happy environment is essential. An environment of communication wherein both verbal and nonverbal is at their best. All queries are handled pleasantly and patiently and effort is made to expose the child to the best stories, music, culture, relationships, good habits, and adventure time. Building a strong bond or connection is most essential.
The objective of every parent is to make sure that they bring up the child to become a contributing adult who is an asset to society. In order to be a socially responsible person, parents need to inculcate amongst others, characteristics like integrity, responsibility, respect, fairness, empathy, and courage. Children need to know with clarity what to stand for and what to stand against.
Spending ‘quality time’ is a clichéd term used by today’s busy parents. Daddy comes home and changes and asks the child to come and sit with him and play a computer game or do a quiz with him. The parent gets the satisfaction of having given quality time and in a self-congratulatory mode boasts among his friends about being the best father.
But what is important to understand here is that it is a forced activity, imposed on the child. Here Dad is in control and his wish is being imposed. For a change, it should be the child’s choice. What has the child been thinking? Does he wish to talk about his day or wishes to watch a movie with Dad or wishes to go out for a game of Tennis?
The first style will wear off after some time and communication will become less with time whereas in the second style both father and son will bring freshness in the daily routine and it would become a superb chumming time.
The child needs the same amount of respect that is expected from a child toward his parents. Learning is a mutual experience. Parents also learn a lot about their children and life. Not taking a no for an answer or yelling at the child ‘stop misbehaving’, ‘listen to me’ will not give the right message. Never try to be a control freak. Respect your child’s independence. Sit down calmly and ask your child to speak out his views. Reason out with him and explain why you want him to do a certain task. These are transforming moments and set good problem-solving attitudes.
Respect your child’s decision where you feel he is right. Give him his space and privacy when required.
Make children feel special but don’t pamper them. No one else will and then they’ll feel hurt and their self-esteem will go down.
To raise the level of confidence and let them feel competent compliment them for their good efforts or actions and behavior, and at the same time remain silent if you don’t like their actions. Later in the day explain and give logic for what you didn’t find quite right. This will reinforce positive behavior.
Plan family picnics, outings, and dinners, and involve friends and extended family to teach social skills and bonding with others. Caring for the younger siblings or cousins and respecting older ones, creating happy memories will make them secure, confident and happy individuals.
Never use criticism or sarcasm, it creates deep wounds which don’t heal with time. Comparisons are odious. Each child is a uniquely gifted sovereign being with individual energy. Let him grow and bloom to his fullest by nurturing, caring, loving, prodding, and gently pruning but always reassuring. You will be proud of your parenting one day.
Today it is common for young children to equate the amount of money spent on them by their parents with parental love. Making children realize the true meaning and value of love should start at an early age since skewed notions have a way of sticking and creating problems in life. Let children select their options to weigh pros & cons, make decisions, and even make mistakes after all this is how everyone grows, let them live their life……
“Your children are not your children.
They’re the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They came through you but not from you
and though they’re with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls.
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams.
Dayawati Modi Academy